I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
