Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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