I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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