i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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