They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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