either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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