Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
