True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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