White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
