Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
