sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
