We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
