how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
