I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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