Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize