At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
