Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
