this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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