You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
