a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
