No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Say something about gay babies.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
