hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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