ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
