I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
