i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
