Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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