I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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