Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
