Pappa wants mamma naked
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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