I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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