I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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