Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
