I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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