he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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