oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
