Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
