So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
