dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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