no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
