i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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