Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
