And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
