Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
