didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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