afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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