Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
