my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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