The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
