went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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