I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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