we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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