oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
