Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
