Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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