I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
