hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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