I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
