well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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